Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş gave advice on raising conscious children who are aware of their limits and responsibilities.
Boundaries are as necessary as nutrition and movement.
Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş said, “Being a conscious child is about being aware of one’s limits and responsibilities, being aware of individual rights and freedoms and being able to make choices, being aware of emotions and behaviors and being able to manage them.” Emphasizing that as much as nutrition and movement are necessary for a child’s growth, so too is the border for his spiritual and emotional development, Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş said, “From a very early age, we start to explore and try to test the limits. These explorations and boundaries begin by separating ourselves from our mother’s body and psyche, and evolve towards the physical rules of real life and our inner explorations with the acquisition of motor movements.” said.
The first boundaries in real life are formed in the family.
Noting that the first boundaries of the developing child in real life are formed in the family environment, Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş said, “The overly permissive and unrestricted nature of the family environment gives the child mixed messages about his/her own boundaries. The child, who has no idea about his own limits, constantly hits the limits of others in real life relationships and in adult life.” said.
When limitation is not developed, dependent features may develop in the child.
Stating that limitation also brings about recognizing and accepting the existence and needs of the other person, Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş said, “If this does not develop, the child, who has difficulty in functioning on his own, will develop dependent characteristics as he will constantly need the limits set by others. On the other hand, they may adopt behaviors that are not appropriate for their age as a way to keep themselves in the center and center of attention, or they may be prone to develop problematic behaviors to attract attention. Unhappiness, constant disappointment and dissatisfaction are typical characteristics of a child growing up in this family environment.” said.
Overly authoritarian family structure neglects the individuality of the child
Noting that the overly authoritarian family structure is one that limits the child, completely neglects the individuality of the child, and demands obedience, Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş said, “There is almost no sharing of feelings in such a family environment. Since the self-confidence development of children who grow up in this family environment that does not allow to act differently, will be insufficient, they either avoid expressing themselves in the future or may display excessively aggressive or problematic behaviors in order to make themselves accepted. warned.
Democratic family environment sets limits, instills responsibility
Stating that the democratic family environment is a family environment that takes care of the physical and emotional needs of the child, sets appropriate boundaries, controls and instills appropriate responsibilities, Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş, “Allows the child to take responsibility and reinforces it by rewarding when appropriate behaviors occur.” said.
Limits and responsibilities should be taught at an early age
Emphasizing that just as boundaries should be developed at an early age, a sense of responsibility should also be instilled in children from a very early age, Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş said, “Parents should not do the behaviors that the child can do for him/herself. This is manifested in behaviors such as eating one’s own food, putting on and taking off one’s own clothes in the early period, and then being able to collect their own room and toys, follow the lesson order, and take on some domestic tasks. These duties and responsibilities should not be below or above the age and developmental capacity of the child, and their results must be reinforced. In this way, children take the first steps of individualization and being able to act on their own, and they learn to make choices.” he said.
Parents should not take responsibility for the child
Noting that, “Parents taking the responsibility that the child did not take will give a very wrong message, such as ‘Anybody can do this job for me,'” said Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Bektaş said, “A child who has not been given any responsibility other than doing homework or studying until adolescence, and is accustomed to having someone do everything for him, including homework, will not be able to develop autonomous behavior in adolescence, that is, to make choices, make independent decisions and take responsibility for his behavior, and he will not be able to take responsibility for his parents’ behavior. will experience a conflicting tide between the need for independence and the need for independence.” he said.
Instead of asking for help, clear identification should be made
Emphasizing that the important thing here is that the messages about responsibility should not be optional “can you help me”, with clear definitions, Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş said, “Because some parents are overly anxious and controlling and even perfectionist, they have difficulty seeing what the child can do and accepting as much as they can and start doing it instead of the child. This reinforces the child’s inadequacy and the belief that he will never be as good as his parents want him to be. This causes the child to develop a belief that others will do this job better and to turn into individuals who avoid taking responsibility in adolescent and adult life.” said.
Limits and responsibilities prepare for challenges
Stating that giving responsibility appropriate to the age of the child also means “I trust you and recognize your individuality”, Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş said, “Otherwise, children will become extensions of their parents. The psychological endurance of the child in the face of risky behaviors and new trials in adolescence is also very related to the limits and responsibilities given to him in the family until that age. Clear boundaries and rules enable children and adolescents to both protect themselves by drawing boundaries and show appropriate behaviors in the face of social and relational difficulties they may experience. said.
Stating that how the parent behaves in all these processes is one of the most important parts, Assoc. Dr. Çiğdem Yektaş listed her advice to families as follows:
– A parent who can set an example about their own limits and responsibilities will create a suitable identification model for the child.
– It is important to take care of his emotional well-being as well as his physical health, and for this it is important to be a good observer, listener and emotional companion rather than a good adviser.
– Our own past burdens, by stepping outside of our learned mental rules, without labeling him, respecting his potential, temperament and uniqueness, being able to accompany his experiences, being patient to see him achieve something, instead of taking action or making up for his failure, give him time and It is necessary to recognize space and allow it to make mistakes.
– To be a model, to be a model, to be a model. We must be the kind of adult we want to raise a child. We cannot be a suitable model unless we ourselves move from discourse to action about what we want from the child.
– Remember that the child’s greatest need is not your praise, but your non-judgmental acceptance, unconditional love and compassionate companionship.