Specialist Clinical Psychologist Gizem Çeviker gave information about the rules that should be taught to children against abuse.
It is very important to know the developmental level of the child and to create an appropriate communication framework. If the parents do not feel comfortable talking about these issues with the child, it should be noted that; It may be more difficult and late to talk about things that are not talked about at this age. The sudden occurrence of a natural and unnatural speech can also make the child feel uncomfortable. Healthy, quality and timely communication is always the key. It is never ‘too early’ for the child to know some rules, because abuse can happen at any age.
1. Introduce your child’s body and body parts
Introduce your child to his body and body parts. Name the body parts correctly, do not use other names. Tell him that parts of his body are private, his own. Explain that you see these parts while taking a bath or that the doctor can see them during the doctor’s examination, except in such cases, it is not appropriate for someone else to see your private parts. It is an important step for children to get to know their body, to use correct and appropriate words for their body parts, to know the meanings of these words, and to feel comfortable and safe when using these words.
2. Respect your child’s freedom to say “no”
Children should learn that their bodies are their own and that no one can touch them without their permission. From an early age, open and direct communication about sexuality and “private parts of the body” in accordance with the developmental process of the child; It will support children to understand these and similar situations correctly and to call for help when necessary. Children have the right to refuse or refuse any kiss, touch or hug, even if they are very close to them. In such cases, forcing the child to kiss, hug or be kissed or hugged, and making statements such as “shame on you, kiss the uncle/aunt” will create confusion in the child’s understanding of this right. Respect your child’s freedom to say “no”. This will increase her self-confidence in an unsafe physical contact or environment, make her say “I’m not doing anything wrong” and support her to come and tell an adult she “trusts”.
3. Explain the difference between good touch and bad touch
Children may not always be able to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate touch. Convey good touch and bad touch to your child and the difference between the two with appropriate words. If a person looks or touches private parts of his body, or, “Shall I see? Should I touch it?”, explain that this is not appropriate.
4. Good secret and bad secret should be taught to the child
Keeping a secret, persuading to be a confidant is usually a very common situation in sexual abuse situations. Therefore; It is very important to tell your children the difference between “good secrets and bad secrets” and to create a safe environment so that they can easily transfer bad secrets to an adult they trust. While preparing a birthday surprise for someone and not telling it to that person can be an example of a “good secret”; Any secret about a situation that might make him or her feel sad or anxious is an example of a “bad secret.” In addition, make sure that the “hidden touch” acquires the inappropriateness of this touch, even if it does not make him feel bad, anxious, afraid (like feeling tickled sometimes).
5. Prevention and protection is an adult’s responsibility
Children often feel guilty, embarrassed, and afraid when they are abused. Parents should avoid creating taboos and unspoken shameful spaces about sexuality. More importantly, as a result of this, children should know that they can go and talk when they are worried, fearful or sad, and that a wall is not built between them and their trusted parents. Children can sense that something is wrong, something is wrong. In such a situation, parents must be “perceiving and receptive” to the signals in the child. This can only be achieved with knowledge and awareness. There can be many and varied reasons why a child refuses to communicate with any adult. Who is healthy here; is to provide an environment where children can always speak and convey their feelings with unconditional trust.